Deliberate

For a few years the "word of the year" has gone around.  Having a "word" to focus on during the course of the year has caused me to ponder.  A lot.  Like ponder for 3 years.  It's not that it has taken me 3 years to think of an area in my life that I'd like to improve. 

This year I would like to be deliberate. 

The first place I go is to the dictionary (and then the thesaurus because I always loved the word "thesaurus") to begin studying a word or concept.

Dictionary.com gives these definitions:
Deliberate:
          adj:
               carefully weighed or considered; studied; intentional
               characterized by deliberation; careful or slow in deciding
          verb:
               to think carefully or attentively; reflect
          syn: purposeful

Purposeful!  I love it.  In so much that I do, I just do it.   I am a rushed kind of person.  Procrastinator extraordinaire. 
This year I would like to become more deliberate in all that I do.  Areas that will get specific attention are:
     Bible study
     how I use my time
     what I feed my family
     what I do with my body
     what I teach my children
     what I volunteer for
     what I spend moola on
     spend more time with our church family
     blogging

Since having a baby this last year time in the Word has really gone to the wayside.  I can not begin to express the sadness/shame that I feel about this.  What we eat has also become somewhat laughable.  I am VERY quick to grab takeout.  I would like to focus on what I put into my families mouths.  We need to nourish the body not just get calories in.
It has been a couple of years since I last blogged.  Sad.   This year the blog will become my journal again.  A place to check in.  A place to keep an account of our lives.
I saw a quote on Facebook that said, "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.  Write a good one."  Love it.  We are a few days into this new year.  The first couple of pages were filled with the flu and all things that go with it.  Day 3.  A new day.  A beautiful day.  The beginning of a deliberate/purposeful day and year. 

Breathing

The photo above really has nothing to do with life at the moment.  This is a picture however of my Bess and one of her triplets back in 2005.  We haven't had sheep since late 2005.  I miss them.  Terribly.  I long for them.  My poor husband does not.  Right now, and every year about this time, I begin to think about the sheep.  Their warm wool.  It's the time of the year to think about knitting sweaters, scarves, hats, gloves, and wool socks.  One day we will have sheep again. 
The last two weeks have been a bit rough around these parts.  Last week I was drained emotionally.  Just wiping the table brought on tears.  Towards the end of last week the little ones came down with colds.  I became a bit proud over the fact that I hadn't gotten a cold the last few times they've had them.  Well, pride goeth before a fall.  Sunday morning I awoke to a very sore throat.  By Sunday afternoon I was horribly congested and it just seemed to get worse on Monday and Tuesday.  Today is much better.  Now we're looking forward to a visit from a dear one and this Momma is looking forward to getting back on track with school.  We need structure.

Silence

My Dad passed away earlier this week.  It was expected.  My husband, my children and I have spent the week together as a family in  the woods exploring, hiking, and playing in the river.  At the moment all I want is for us to be together.  I want to hold each one of them close to me.  They are my everything.  They are my blessings from God and I long that they know how very loved they are.  I long for them to know that I love them unconditionally. 
This week my children have taken to calling me Momma Bear and in turn I respond to them, "Yes my cub?".  I pray that we always know this intimacy. 

Girlies Weekend

This was my Bess with one of the triplets she bore that year.

Little Miss and I headed south Friday evening as soon as the Mister was home from work. Just me and my girl. The excitement of an evening with her (and her excitement of a hotel stay) and a morning shearing sheep filled us with glee. Farm Girl was very clear that she wanted to play Sorry on the hotel bed when we got in. Saturday morning she and I headed to the farm to watch the shearing. Being me, I left the camera in the truck. While the shearer was hired, I was all too happy to help keep track of tag numbers and climb fences to grab sheep and keep them where they were supposed to be. I proudly walked into Safeway with sheep crud, lanolin, and dirt on my pants. Being at the farm was inspiring and convicting. Watching Farm Girl do what she could on the sheep farm and witnessing her immediate help with chores was more than I had thought would happen and yet at the same time is exactly what I had hoped would happen. When we had begun or journey towards home, I asked her if a farm was still what she wanted. Her answer was a resounding "yes" and she specifically wants a sheep farm. She could do it. If ever there was a soul to join me on my quest for sheep, she's it.

Today was beautiful. No, not the kind of beautiful that allows for gardens like the picture above. It was the kind of beautiful that allows one to remember that winter is not forever. The kind of day that allows a body to get outside and begin to prep for the coming spring and summer. The kind of day that fosters dreams and aspirations. Big dreams are being dreamed up right here in Plum House (so dubbed by Farmgirl). Plans of dinner on the back patio graced with the heady scent of honeysuckle. A dinner that is created from a new kitchen garden off the patio. Last year we managed to create 4 large raised gardens, added 2 types of berries to our plot of land and a couple plum trees. Chickens also became part of our daily routine and have supplied us with countless eggs. This year will be no different. There are more trees to plant, more berry plants to nurse, new gardens to create and evenings filled with laughter while we sit and relax in the calm that comes from a hard day's work and dreams fulfilled.

*just because the little miss (aka farmgirl) has dubbed our home Plum house does not in anyway give us the idea that she is a dreamer, schemer and romantic at heart

Tonight I sit in my chair feeling convicted and fighting the tears. I look around me and see so much...stuff. I see a corner of the living room that is dedicated to the kids. The entire corner is made up of almost all new items (purchased within the last few months). Some "essential" and other bits "extra". I see a beautiful tree covered in lights and while we lack ornaments, we still have a tree. The kids are watching a movie. A quick scan shows nutcrackers adorning the mantle, 2 buildings with a couple trees taking space on the buffet (the start of a village), snowmen covering the piano. Yesterday afternoon we filled our bellies with burritos courtesy of a local joint. Despite feeling warm and tucked in I have a sense of sadness. We have SO much. We have so much and yet friends of ours are struggling. They have been full of grace and hopeful during the ordeal of looking for a job. Tonight they were served another blow. A position he was interviewing for is no longer open. He didn't interview until next week.

Christmas is coming and I keep thinking about what I want to make for the kids. If a moment is taken to be truthful, making things can often times be just as grandiose as buying things. The mister and I have always wanted to have simple Christmases and we've managed to so far. The plans this year would still be considered simple by some but by others, like our friends who are struggling, our Christmas would be flamboyant. No, they'd never say it but for the price of what we'll pay for lumber and hardware, they could feed themselves for a couple weeks. Where does it leave me? Rethinking Christmas and our spending. E's hand spun, hand knit sweater is just about done and then I can begin working on J's. What more do they really need? Maybe a trip to the book area of Goodwill is in order?

Finding Balance

I feel like I'm in a constant state of trying to find "balance". Balance in everything. I'm also always in a state (in my mind at least) of trying to simplify. Most of the time I fail. Occasionally there is a moment of success. How does one who give up consumerism? How do you save money to go towards paying down debt and saving for a dream? How does one find balance between fixing up a house not knowing if it will eventually be a rental or one that will be sold? How does one find balance in teaching her children at home when not wanting to be real "schoolish" and yet wanting a little structure? Where is the balance between wanting to make things for others and becoming selfish about the time used to make those things?

Trust and Obey

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the sky,

not a doubt nor a fear, not a sigh nor a tear,

not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,

not a grief nor a loss, not a frown nor a cross

can abide while we trust and obey.

We never can prove the delights of His love

until ALL on the altar we lay.

For the favor He shows, and the joy He bestows

are for those who will trust and obey.

On my mind, in my heart

God is so good

God is so good

God is so good, he's so good to me.

He answers prayer

He answers prayer

He answers prayer, he's so good to me.

I love him so

I love him so

I love him so, he's so good to me.

Growing through change

First off, I am SO glad that I can import my old blog over here. The wonders of technology. :-) Over the years I have changed blog names and addresses several times. Occasionally I'd end up deleting blogs all together only later to regret it. I still miss my first blog Mamma's Quiet Time but life goes on. When I started The Porcelain Desk I disliked the name but the nothing else came to me. Whispering Oak Acres is the name the Mister and I gave to our dream over the last couple of years. Currently the name resides only in our hearts, on a red folder full of ideas and now here.
Whispering Oak Acres is located somewhere in the foothills of the Great Smokies. A land that beckons us back to her. A place where autumn is a canvas of color, a lush blanket of bright colors turning to a rich green in the spring and a summer filled with the scent of wild honeysuckle, plentiful gardens and lightening bugs dancing to the concert of katydids and crickets at dusk. It's a place where our children can run and explore, we'll grow most of the foods we eat whether it be plant or animal and a place to learn. A place to love.
Right now Whispering Oak Acres is only a dream. A place, a vision, we're working towards. At times it feels as though we're not moving any closer. Never backwards, just never closer. At other times it feels as though we much be progressing.
I've become passionate about blooming where we are planted; doing what I can do to make changes in our lives to help us reach goals and dreams. Truth be told, Whispering Oak Acres is changing from a dream to a goal. Sometimes I fall while trying to work towards the goal and other times I succeed. The times I fail I am reminded that I still have a lot of personal change that is needed but I cling to the awareness that through the change, there will be growth.

Content

Squash flowers seem to hold a special beauty. I love the way this one looks with droplets of water still holding on after this mornings watering.

I was up before the rest of the house this morning which seems to be happening more frequently. Honestly I seem to prefer my days to start out that way. Nothing seems more peaceful to me than to start the pot of coffee and then snuggle into the rocking chair with a blanket over my lap and the Bible in my hands. Right now I'm going through Ecclesiastes and seeing it in a way that I never have. It seems to hold more conviction and questions than it has in the past. This morning Eccl. 6:9 stood out and I've spent the morning pondering it. "It is better to be content with what the eyes can see than for one's heart to always crave more. This continual longing is futile-like chasing the wind." I've wondered if this is what I do. Those who are close to the Mister and I know that we long to be back in TN. Those same people also know that we would like to have more land. We're simplistic in what we would like. We're not longing after 10 acres or a big house. I've grown quite content and thankful for the small (under 1250sq ft for the last 2) homes that we have had. I believe that when we first moved back to WA and for the following 2 years I did continually crave more. Yes, I still long for more but the attitude is different. I've always wanted more for the same reasons. To grow more of our own. To be able to raise our own meat. To be more "self" sustainable. Problem. "Self". I'm reliant on or supposed to be reliant on God. I'm God sustained. He alone has chosen to bless us with this larger city lot whether it's right where we'd truly like to be or not. While the heart would like to get out of the city, I am content with what we have. Out of contentment comes labor. I want to use what God has blessed us with. Not let it just sit. This year has seen thorn-less blackberries planted along the fence line, cleaning up of the area between the back fence and back deck which now contains beautiful flowers and herbs (a pleasant view from the kitchen window for sure), several chickens for fresh eggs (some have made their way into the freezer) and we have the addition of 4 new veggie bed's in a wasted space of the front yard. This weekend will hopefully see the area (between the last bed and the red car) for 6 raspberry plants turned over, amended and the berries planted. I truly believe that because I've become content with what my eye sees, the house and land that we do have, I have been able to see possibilities. Through our acceptance and thankfulness we have been blessed more. Come along with me as I take my usual morning path around our yard.

It may not look like much but the Mister and I are tickled (okay, maybe only females get tickled) with how it looks after only being 2 weeks old. I am amazed at the amount of people who stop and talk with me or stop during their walk/bike rides and take the garden in.

Chili rellenos anyone?

Our favorite future canned good!
I have NEVER been able to grow enough of these to last us the whole year through.

Can you spot her? I always try hard to garden organically (I gave up corn...couldn't seem to make it work without pesticides). Ne em oil has been a favorite. Earlier this week I received a rebate from Freddy's and decided to buy some lady bugs with the unexpected rebate. I am giddy beyond belief that these little girls/guys have virtually eliminated the aphids from my garden! Did you know that 1 ladybug can eat up to 80 aphids in a day? They are most welcome around our yard.

What little bugger is eating the sweet pea leaves as soon as they emerge?

Every day this sight brings the children as well as myself a bit of joy and thankfulness.

She who remains to be named

Henrietta is so called because she looks like a he to me. She and Clara are the most mild tempered, quiet birds out of the lot of them.

#7

Happy # 7 Mr. B. Daily I thank God for the blessing of you!

xoxoxo

I did not hold myself back from getting whatever I wanted,

I did not deny myself anything that would bring me pleasure.

So all my accomplishments gave me joy, this was my reward for all my effort.

Yet when I reflected on everything I had accomplished

and on all the effort that I had expended to accomplish it,

I concluded: "All these achievements and possessions are ultimately profitless -

like chasing the wind!

There is nothing gained from them on earth.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Less is more

Kerri at Living Large in Our Little House posed a question. Paraphrased, she asks if society (with it's consumerism) robs people of the euphoria of contentment.

Here's my response:

I absolutely believe that societal pressures have robbed people of
contentment. The ball seems to have really started rolling after
WWII. Recently I was touring Cade's Cove (Smokey Mountains) with my little
ones. I was immediately humbled by the size of homes that families lived
in. We've been living in a 1200sq ft house for 2 1/2 yrs and then 2 yrs
prior to that. It's always been more than enough for us and yet I've
caught myself in the "well, when they get bigger I'll have to separate them (boy
and girl) and then what do I do? Just one more small area would be
nice." I had convinced myself that I was not like "them".
Consumers. I'd compare myself and our home to the mass size of
others. In the world of today 1200 sq ft is small. In days gone by
it would be quite comfortable. I've changed my thinking. It's all a
matter of being completely content and thankful for that which I do have.
For realizing the happiness, euphoria, contentment doesn't come in the amount of
stuff I have, the size of the stuff I have or the price of the stuff I
have. It comes in the thankfulness for the blessings of what I have.
Thankful that I'm blessed to have a roof over my children's head. Thankful
that I have an abundance of food. Thankful for the beauty of nature that
is shared with me. With all of this, I find contentment. I let out a
big, cozy sigh.

Contentment

1 Timothy 6:7,8

For we have brought nothing into this world and so we can not take a single thing out either. But if we have food and shelter, we will be satisfied with that.

At this moment in time, and I hope forever more, this is where I am. Content. Big changes in our lives may or may not shortly take place but I have complete peace. Thankful for the blessings of food and shelter whatever may come.

Simplicity

Simplicity? What exactly is it? I believe for so many it means something different. I've always carried a particular definition within my heart and longed for it but have not worked progressively towards it. I long for it. I long for a simple life. Not a lazy one. That's the irony of the it all. Simple does not mean easy. It takes work, dedication, drive, a goal. I feel so many changes within me. I've had a taste of this or that and you know what? While it may be enjoyable, it leaves only a temporary satisfaction. I long for a home-made life. A thrift-ed life. A purposed life. I life made not just lived.

Simple Woman's Day Book 2/1/2010

For Today...

Outside My Window...The day is looking to be a bit dreary. Cloudy, a low line of fog on the hills and a mist in the air.

I Am Thinking...about my husband who is headed over the mountains for the night

I am Thankful for...A husband who works diligently to provide for us

I Am Wearing...A flannel top and grey bottoms

I am Remembering...That God is Faithful

I Am currently Reading...The Ministry of Motherhood

I Am Hoping...To finish the mittens I bartered this week

On My Mind...Yesterday's lesson at Church. "Calming the Storm"

Noticing That...My little boy is over half my height

From The Kitchen...Burritos made from the rice and beans I made the other night

Around The House...Need to focus on each room individually and give a good deep clean

One Of My Favorite Things...Sitting at the table in the evening playing a game with my husband

From My Picture Journal...

Little Boys, their toys (ahem...tools)

For more Daybooks please visit Peggy

Ponderings

I was given some news on Friday from my husband that set off a stream of emotions. I'm thankful that God has given me a rock. He has given me a husband that I gain strength from and optimism. I know that that the Mister is also in a state of frustration but, using logic, he carries on.
We've talked about making changes over and over and over again for the last 6 years. Sometimes we'll begin but it lasts no longer than a month and slowly our lives revert back to the way they were. Now, change is being forced. Financial change is being forced. I've said over and over again to my Beloved that I want to live on less but no longer can seem to figure out how. Now, I had better figure it out because it's not an option. Over the last 4 days I have had moments of very selfish thoughts. I've grieved over the idea of giving up using my hands. The truth of the matter is that I don't have to give using my hands I just have to change what and how much I do with my hands. Ultimately I'm now looking at change as a gift. A lesson from God but also a gift.
My kids are at the age where schooling should be commencing. They routinely ask me to have "school". My heart longs to spend time with God. To spend time in His word and in prayer. I long to be a shining example to my children. I long to be the Proverbs 31 wife. I long to reshape my body and to be a good steward of this body that God has breathed life into. Despite my longings and desires I often find making things with my hands taking the priority in my life. I don't want it to be and yet, it always is. At this moment I'm looking at this "forced" change as an opportunity to really turn to the Father and to work on the changes I've yearned for.
The Refiners fire isn't a pleasant one but I know it could be more unpleasant.

What? How? Why?!

When it rains it pours. Life as we, I, this family knows it is not about to change. It has changed. We are being forced to change.
xoxo

2010

First things first. My first goal for 2010 is to locate my cord to be able to upload photos from my camera to my computer. It's gone. Gone and hasn't been seen in weeks. I know I put it somewhere so I wouldn't loose it while rearranging things. Just can't seem to find where that spot was.
I want to spend this next year focusing, simplifying, growing. I want to refocus my eyes on the goal, Heaven. In the spirit of honesty, spending time in prayer and study tend to take a back seat. I could throw any and all reasons on the table but I won't. It's my first priority.
Secondly, it's time to begin focusing the kiddo's to the idea of consistent "school" E is 4 today and J will be 5 at the end of the month. Reality says that if they were going to a school building J would be starting this fall. It's about time. We've been tinkering around with "school" for a couple years and now it's time to move towards a little more seriousness.
Jeff and I have also decided that it's time to really pull the reigns on our lives. It's time to truly live more simply and frugally. We talk the talk all the time it seems but we've begun the walk. It's a time of transition for us not made particularly easy for me since we've begun a new way of eating. We've decided to no longer purchase meat from the "big box" store or regular restaurants due to our conscience. In order to purchase meat that was raised and slaughtered the way we feel is humane it costs 2 arms and a leg until we can afford to again purchase 1/2 an animal from a local farmer. This means a more vegetarian lifestyle. Difficult when trying to loose weight and being in the trendy mindset that carbs=weight gain.
This frugal/simple lifestyle will also affect how and what I craft. I use my hands all the time to knit, spin, crochet or sew. While I generally never thought about the $$ spent to do those things, I am now aware of what I'm generally spending doing such things. Purchasing yarn and fabric can no longer be a common thing but must become a special event. It's time to use up what I have in my stash (not as much as some but plenty more than others) and finish some long awaiting UFO's.
With all of this said, once I can locate my camera cord I'll have a picture of the first quilt of 2010. It's for today's birthday girl, made completely from fabric and batting that was on my shelves and is completely her. Girly. When this certain 4 year old is asked what her favorite color is she'll quickly answer "pretty". When asked what "pretty" is she'll pause a moment and respond with "pink". This quilt is exactly that. Pink with some white thrown in for good measure. Now to dig around my stash and create something for a soon to be 5 year old who's father is very particular about what is boyish and what is not.