Pantry Makeover

When considering our budget and our health the immediate thought most of us have goes to food. What is being spent, what is being eaten. For a very long time we (I) spent loads of money on food. Grant it, organic and free range is expensive but I always seemed to have so much excess in the fridge and cupboards. I shutter to think about the amount of produce that has gone to the (gasp) garbage, compost, chickens or rabbits. Plan of attack? Purchase enough for only a week. I'm still working on that end of it but doing much better. Next plan of attack. Increase whole grains and legumes while decreasing meat consumption. This is a difficult idea for me. Most of my life I have been over weight. Eating "carbs" tends to help me keep the weight on. I've spent so much time being frustrated over the problem that then I give in, buy meat (regular factory farmed) and then feel guilty about the animals and the way they lived their lives and the way in which their life ended. Please don't misunderstand me. We are a meat eating family but we gave up factory farmed meats a while back and then in order to loose weight I went back to factory farmed food for roughly a month. I can't do it. I feel guilty. How can I loose weight while eating grains and legumes? Easy. Portion size! As an American and a lover of vintage and antique goodies, I've become aware through the purchase of kitchen goodies that our portion sizes have increased dramatically over the last 50 years. Ouch! I have a cooking set for my Westinghouse roaster that is supposed to feed a family of 4. When I first saw it, I couldn't believe it. It seemed so teeny tiny.
My 3rd decision for making over the pantry was to no longer buy processed stuff. I can make bread. Why don't I? Laziness or a lack of being prepared. Oh my. I love convenience. The kids have been on a bagel kick lately. Do I really need to buy bagels? Nope. Besides, the store bought goodies have so many more ingredients than what is needed.
Lastly, we've pretty much given up on eating out. Sure, we have our "weak" moments but overall they are becoming fewer.
I'm hoping that with the changes that we have made and will continue to make that not only will our waistlines continue to shrink, but that our contentment in simple foods continue to grow and debt will be paid down and eventually off. Once we've been completely transformed and no longer have our weak moments, I believe our family could have upwards of $300 a month to use towards debt. That's upwards of $3600 a year towards debt! Imagine the interest that will be saved. Just the idea excites me.

My Ah Ha Moment

I wrote this yesterday and feel strongly about posting it here. Weight is an issue that I'm embarrassed to talk about but at the same time know that it is a huge problem not just with me but with so many other people. I want, hope to be of encouragement to someone else.

So last night I had the complete, "I'm done. I'm fed up with
myself. No matter what I choose to do I'm the one in control and I'm going
to be in control in a good way" moment. I swear I spend the weekends
binging. (eating out) Every week I decide I'm not going to do that
again. I don't think I've ever felt like I felt last night. Not even
when I weighed 260 pounds. I didn't realize at the time that I was that
big. I've just almost always been big. When I had to buy a size 24
pants after my little girl was born and then go stand beside a bride at a
wedding and be bar none the biggest person there, I decided to change and I
did. I got myself down to 179 pounds! 80 awesome pounds
gone!!! then I received a phone call during the night that my Grandmother
was gone. I loaded up a 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old and headed across the
country in a little neon. Just me and my babies. I stayed in WA for
a month and by the time I got back to TN I had gained 10 pounds! 10 pounds
in 1 month. Driving from TN to WA and then WA to CA and then back to WA
and finally back to TN definitely had its effects. I got back to TN in
August of '07. By February of '08 I was headed back to WA. This time
moving back here. when I moved back I still had the 10 pounds on me that I
had gained the previous summer. To shorten this story, I haven't been
completely content since moving back. I've been going back up on the
scale. I'll loose a few pounds and then gain back double what I
lost.
This last weekend was spent on another binge and Monday evening I was
laying on the couch feeling extremely weighed down and overall
uncomfortable. I realized that no, I'm not as heavy as I have been
(although very successfully on my way) but I've tasted the fruits of being
smaller on the scale, having some definition, of being stronger. I've
tasted the continual compliments. My husband doesn't tell me that my bum
is getting smaller anymore. I miss it. I'm tired of feeling to fat
for him to look at.

It's just time. It's time to stop whining and dreaming of what life
will be like when...and start living. No, I'm not thrilled with living in
the city with neighbors out my back door. Yes, I dream of having a small
spread of land again (2 acres would be nice...that's what we had before and
although I'd love more there is so much we can do on just 2). I dream of
my husband having a job that will allow him to be home with us all the time but
I will be thankful that he is employed and that we are comfortable.
Yes, I still long for TN and do hope to one day be back there for keeps but
that's not the path that's been laid out before us for now.
I have 2 little ones that are watching me. I have 2 little ones that I would love
to take out to explore the world but don't too often because of how uncomfortable
my pants are. I want to stop trying to drown my sorrows (as silly as they
are) with food.

I've been moving my body for the last few weeks but the eating hasn't
changed. I'll have a morning of being good or on plan (whatever that may
be) and then I'm done. I'm done with the weekend binging. My
ultimate goal is huge. Almost 70 pounds but you know what? It's not
as big as it once was. At one point it was 120 pounds. An entire
person! Yep, I've messed up. I was to a point of 50 pounds but you
know, I choose to believe that my mess ups are making me stronger. Soon
enough I'll kiss that 50 pound mark good bye. for now, I'll kiss each and
every single pound adios and celebrate me. Celebrate the small steps
along with the big ones. I'll celebrate each number, each minute spent
exercising, each mile, each crunch, lunge or dip. I'll celebrate the sore
muscles and I'll celebrate every meal I have the opportunity to make for
my family.
Yep, life shall be a celebration. My mind shall remain focused.
The goal has been laid out and I'm going for it.

I'll weigh in every Wednesday and then every other Friday. Wednesday for the purpose of recording and every other Friday for a mini goal challenge my husband and I make every pay period. Without further hesitation, I weighed in at 207 this morning. No more though. I'll not go above that number nor see it again on the scale.

The billionth first day of the rest of my life

Yep. I really don't know how many times I've said it and how many times I've attempted it but today has to be it. Today must be the start of new, healthy habits. I must remember what produce is. I must begin to enjoy said produce. I have been on a train wreck of a binge lately. I don't know why. All I've wanted is stuff that's not good for me. The sad thing is that when I've eaten healthfully in the past and lost the initial weight I enjoyed it. So many yummy foods! I don't know why I quit. I'm up about 25 from my lowest on my weight loss journey. So, while I don't want this to be just another weight loss blog, weight loss is a part of my life...or it should be and will be once again.

My method of loosing the weight? I choose South Beach. I know, I know. I can hear it now. "It's so restrictive." It is very restrictive during the first 2 weeks. No sweets, no fruit, no grains, no sweet veggies. I need it though. I need to purge the desire for sugar from my body. Yes, fruits and even grains do trigger it for me. Grains are the worst culprit. I know I need them and I'll have them but not until the 21st or so.

To add to the whole change how I eat thing, I joined some of the gals in an endeavour to run a 5k in a mere month. I used to be able to do it. I had myself up to 5 miles in 60 minutes. Now...not so much.

So, here's to weighing a little less next Wednesday.